Let yourself be silently drawn by the stronger pull of what you really love

I need to apply this to myself, no matter what the costs, no matter what the ideas about “practicality”. I do not know everything about meditation because I do not think I have deciphered the idea of silencing the mind. When I actually do nothing, I feel guilty for it, and then I feel stupid for feeling guilty about it because it makes no sense whatsoever to feel guilty about it. I do not know if I am ready for some sort of mind silencing technique just yet. Perhaps I may need more chaos to bring that about. Or maybe it is helpful to just take the preventative approach and try it just now.

I just find the importance in silence. I am naturally more of a talker, but I don’t feel silence is only important on a more obvious level. I cannot say I’m such an extrovert or such an introvert. I guess I am an extrovert in my need to be around people and to talk a lot, but an introvert in thinking too much about things and overanalyzing them. However, I feel more tortured by my introvert side, and perhaps it pours through in my extrovert sides. Years ago I could not have assessed this about myself and I just accepted that this was who I was. Being honest with oneself is not an easy thing to do, or accepting that there really are flaws that need to be worked on every day. It’s easy to slip back into my habits of mental chatter, and I have to constantly remind myself to just let go and stop having negative thoughts.
And eventually, I think I can live by this quote. When I silence my mind and keep negative thoughts out, I’m less distracted and able to just do the things I love.

Bloom Where you are Planted

For whatever reason, this has been a wall hanging in all of the places I moved since childhood. I never realized why my mom hung onto that old thing, but when I think about it now I understand it. It incorporates this “adaptation” theme for me, that wherever I end up, I am to make the most of it by “blooming”. In many ways I feel like a reincarnated seed. I am planted in one place, flourish and then when new seeds are released, I am manifested in them and am planted in a new place and flourish there too. I am not saying I am planted as widely as others, but I believe in always creating positive impressions wherever one goes, even if it is for just a short period of time.

Sometimes, I wonder what I am missing out on with my nomad lifestyle and mentality. In a world where your passport defines you (at least when you leave your home country), is it possible to really just be a “citizen of the world”? Borders across lifestyle, race, gender, and nationality are constantly redefined, so is it easy to say that I just belong to one place? I mean, even my ancestors were merchants, hence, they were always going to new places where there was opportunity. I really do not know, but what I do know is that no matter where I have travelled to, I am always learning something new. I am always somehow amazed, and perhaps that’s why I keep having the thirst to see more. It is not even about any sort of conquest to learn everything, or even enrichment that helps me “understand myself” better. I could read all of the books possible, watch all the T.V. shows and documentaries out there, but they can never compare. They can never capture such beauty (both with its perfections and imperfections). I think it is, in the end, about a genuine love for the wanderlust state. And that’s it. Nothing more, nothing less. No reason to feel ashamed of it and no reason to justify it.

I know it is silly to overanalyze a silly wall hanging with a quote on it, but I never really paid attention to it before. Now, it speaks so loudly to me that I can never forget it.